Vorbild(l)-ich

Heute ist einer dieser Tage, an denen ich an meiner Mutterrolle verzweifeln könnte. Sprich, ich zweifel stark daran, ob ich wirlich eine gute Mutter bin. Wenn ich genau darüber nachdenke bin ich mir sehr sicher, dass ich eine gute Mutter bin, weil ich meinen Sohn liebe und das Beste für ihn will. Aber nicht an jedem Tag fällt es leicht diese Tatsachen auszuleben. Tatsächlich gibt es auch immer wieder diese Tage an denen ich keine Lust habe mein Kind ständig zu beschäftigen oder gar an mir kleben zu haben. Viel lieber möchte ich andere Dinge tun und manchmal wird mir dann meine Einschränkung bewusst, die meine Mutterrolle mit sich bringt (auch wenn ich versuche diese so gering wie möglich zu halten). In dieser Sekunde quält mich die Frage, ob ich meinen Sohn zu wenig fördere, zu wenig mit ihm spreche oder singe um sein Interesse an Kommunikation zu wecken, ihm vielleicht zu wenig zeige, erkläre oder meine Geduld zu gering ist, um ihm etwas beizubringen. Ich beobachte andere Kindern und sehe was sie alles können oder lese, welche Fähigkeiten andere gleichaltrige haben, die mein Sohn noch nicht hat. Im nächsten Augenblick ärgere ich mich darüber, dass ich mich nicht zuerst über das freue was er schon kann und gerade neues lernt (auch ohne zu vergleichen worin er anderen voraus ist ;). Wie sehr würde ich mir wünschen, dass meine Kinder ohne diese schlechte Angewohnheit erwachsenen Wesen, sich ihr Hab und Gut, Wissen und Können und alles andere unter der Sonne, ständig vergleichen zu müssen, aufwachsen würden.

Auch wenn ich an Tagen wie diesen nicht weiß womit ich ihn bei Laune halten soll oder was ich ihm vielleicht ganz unbedingt beibringen müsste, so weiß ich dann doch wenigstens, was ich ihm absolut nicht beibringen möchte. Daher fasse ich lieber früher als zu spät den Entschluss selbst damit aufzuhören, bevor er es sich von mir abguckt, so wie er es auch bei allen anderen Dingen, die er noch lernen darf tun wird. Denn da fällt mir ein, diese Dinge lebe ich ihm auch ganz ohne Lehrbücher Tag für Tag vor – laufen, sprechen, essen, singen, tanzen, lachen können, weinen dürfen, vertrauen, glauben…

134 Antworten auf „Vorbild(l)-ich“

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